…In which we make life meaningful by showing how it copies football. And if you don’t believe us, we piece this section together by taking links and opinions from real newspapers and websites. No opinions expressed here are those of the editor or indeed the blogger himself 
07/07/10
World Cup Hiaku VIII:
WHERE IS THE HOLLAND
IS IT NETHER NETHER LAND?
AND WHAT OF THE SPAIN?
England Football team and the BBC – undone by ‘talent’.
I don’t like ITV and it’s so-called talent X-Factor culture. I like to think I’m too good for that stuff. So when they finally deleted Melvin Bragg’s South Bank Show earlier this year I was more than prepared to consign the whole channel to the Chav bin. Thick money grabbing, rating failing morons.
So you can imagine my amusement when I saw on a BBC website that Jonathan Ross will be joining Adrian Chiles at a TV channel that only exists to earn revenue from selling advertising. It has no other other purpose.
The BBC article asks why it is losing it’s talent. My feeling is that if they are the kind of people that will end up on the new post Bragg ITV- they’re no loss anyway. Chiles is a man of talent, but his debut at ITV sport has been decidedly unimpressive. Did he not listen to what Des Lynam said all those years ago after he made the same dumb move? Ross, in my view is no loss. He’s been around too long being rude, cocky and getting guests from lower down the alphabet than he once enticed.
And so to Team Football England. What are they- BBC or ITV? A stuffy ageing state-owned body or a third rate entertainer of the lowest common denominator driven by dog-eared notes. Sadly, the football team seems to have acquired the bad bits from both. They are like the Beeb inasmuch as they took to the World Cup with an established (over the hill?) bunch that called themselves The Golden Generation. The coach who had hitherto been bold enought to experiment with new young players reverted to older, slower, supposedly safer options. They reflected ITV in many ways, but the best noted was the fact that the FA, because of a sponsorship deal did not allow the players to use the Jabulani football before they got to SA.
I suppose it’s easy to compare rubbish to rubbish, so I’ll halt while I’m winning. But the message is this; When your talent looks like it’s about to expire -bring on sombody new and younger. Colin Murray for Chiles, A used tissue for Ross – there’s always a viable replacement. And as for ‘talent’ in the banking world…don’t get me started.
23/06/10
World Cup Hiaku VI
GERMANY ENGLAND
OH NO PLEASE LORD NOT AGAIN
ENGLAND GERMANY
World Cup Hiaku V:
AU REVOIR AMIS
WE’LL SEE YOU IN THE EUROS
IF YOU QUALIFY
22/06/2010
Mistakes in high places
Has Stanley McChrystal really taken advice from former England Kick-Ball Captain J.Terry? Considering the man’s importance as chief architect of the USA/UK’s campaign in Afghanistan and key kink between the Allies and President Karzai, one would have hoped he would have selected a better role model. The evidence however appears to be to the contrary. On a simple level it is alleged that:
1. Both McChrystal and Terry had serious issues with their respective leaders.
2. Both decided not to take up these issues with their leaders directly.
3. Both opted to discuss their feeling with the media.
4. Both said ‘Sorry’.
It appears that the mistakes made by two very different men with supposedly very different levels of IQ are very similar indeed.
I know that these blogs can be tongue-in-cheek and that by focussing on the subject of football and the eternally perennially newsworthy John Terry, one is at serious risk of being accused of having dumbed down. My interest however is ultimately that of human behaviour and human action.
I believe it is fascinating that intelligence, education, moral values, perceived status and REAL responsibility notwithstanding, two very different men both with a hunger for and a capacity to deliver leadership can both err in such similar ways.
To have become a leader of soldiers (and national strategy) and to have been a national sports captain both men would have excelled in the many facets of COMMUNICATION SKILLS. I am sure that McChrystal at least would be more than capable of delivering a John Adair level lecture on leadership. So why make the fauxiest of faux-pas and use the media?
I’m not giving any answers here except so offer platitudes such ’to much pressure’ or ‘not enough attention’. if the real answer becomes apparent, I’ll tell you.
But one thing I will say given that it is 11pm on 22nd June 2010 is that this is where the comparison was first made.
19/06/2010
Anelka wins the sack race
It appears that ‘nutty’ Nic Anelka has finally said what many francofootyphiles have been thinking since the last World Cup and has paid the price.
And although this sacking was not connected to ‘foul’ language, as life continues to imitate World Cup football, we can see how a politician lost his foothold by being inappropriate on two scores;
1. For objectifying women (sexually and racially)
2. For objectifying a minor.
Can it have been any worse?
World Cup Hiaku iv
ANELKA BYE BYE
RAYMOND SAYS FLY TO THE SKY
HE DOES NOT LOVE NIC
18/06/2010
When going low is a high point
Grim faces and voices all around Europe. France, Germany and Spain all lose while England draw again. The USA did really well to draw with Slovenia and so as a tribute to the Americans and their fantastic attitude and SUPERIOR SPORTS PSYCHOLOGY, we bring you this link from the Daily Telegraph entitled
US gospel singer hits lowest note in singing record
World Cup Hiaku 3:
WE HAVE NOT LOST YET
BUT YET IT FEELS LIKE WE HAVE
CHANGE HOW WE FEEL
17/06/2010
Pays-Bas winners
While we had a Dutch brewer winning some low cost and cheeky publicity at the FIFA branded World Cup, Great Britain’s new Premier Ministre was seen to be winning his first battle on €uropean soil (NB battle-not war). I know the link is quite weak i.e Holland plus Belgium (who aren’t even in the FIFA branded World Cup SA 2010) but unless I go about how funny it was to see Spain lose yesterday and France lose today… I confess to struggling a bit.
Anyhow, here is today’s World Cup Hiaku:
Mexico’s Blanco
has a dance upon the grave
of sad forlorn france
14/06/10
On the one hand we have a draw, on the other hand there’s draw and over there, yet another draw.’
1. France Vs. Uruguay 0-0
Lambasted for not being a shadow of their former selves, France were an example of safety first. They avoided getting and creating emotions and have little reason to either cry or celebrate. A 0-0 scoreline can tell many stories, many observers wanted reasons to describe Les Blues as a spent force. At this stage however, having sufferd little collateral damage, they are poised to succeed. This is a good lesson for life itself. I frequently tell my children to keep a low profile if it appears to be a suitable strategy. Kids that witness fights and arguments but have the sense to keep out of the fray often prevail.
2. England Vs. USA 1-1
This result felt bad for England because they were left with a sense of having thrown it all away. Although the outcome is the same as the France result, it feels so much worse because England could feel/smell/taste victory and then had it snatched away by what appeared to be a terrible (goal keeping) mistake. This approach is emotional and ignorant, as it happened the Americans were worthy opponents and earned their goal by applying pressure and guile. There a few life lessons here;
a. Never underestimate your opponent
b. Avoid washing your linen in public (can’t somebody keep the horrid press away?)
c. Like a politician, change the subject!
STOP PRESS 1 – The same thing has just happened to Slovakia who conceded a late equaliser to New Zealand a.k.a. The All Whites (natch). This is even more painful, the Slovakians were doing all the usually time-expending tricks and the were hit by the classic sucker punch in the 92nd minute .
3. Italy Vs. Paraguay 1-1
Italy – in the first of their last matches as World Champions found themselves losing at half time, but then came back to gain a draw against a very impressive and well run (unfancied) opponent. The Italians therefore finished the game with what I call in the book the muted euphoria of the ‘got out of gaol syndrome’. To Italy, it didn’t quite feel like winning, but felt much further from losing than the English ‘thrown it all away’ concept.
The same thing happened to New Zealand a.k.a. The All Whites (clever antipodes!) who grabbed an equaliser against Slovakia. This is even more joyful than Italy’s escape because the Kiwi fans were beyond hope, just miracle waiting.The Slovakians were doing all the usually time-expending tricks and the were hit by the classic sucker punch in the 92nd minute. The fat lady wasn’t singing yet-buts she is now.
13/06/10
Defence chief to be axed- is Sir Jock Stirrup Robert Green in disguise?
A Lullaby Hiaku for Capitain France who needs help sleeping :
PATRICE EVRA SLEEPS
VUVUZELA WAKENS HIM
PATRICE CANNOT SLEEP
AAH AAH MY BABY
AAH AAH BABY
AAH, HOW WE SYMPATHIZE
Pride comes before a fall
Mark these words. When England went ahead against the USA yesterday the ITV commentator (Peter Brackley?) said ‘This could be fun’.
Patronising? Arrogant? Assumption loaded? No wonder that people are using the ITV (SD) picture with Radio 5 Live or Talk Sport for viable commentary.
12/06/10
GB (a.k.a BP) Vs. USA = DC Vs. BO
Today saw the first English language derby of the 2010 FIFA World Cup. Self-professed favourites, ‘modest’ England handed a draw to the USA. A sad result, because just hours before kick-off the youngest World Leaders since William Pitt the younger and George Washington III agreed in a thirty minute phone call, that had England won, (Mr.) President Obama would cease slagging BP off for the oil leak and had the Untidy States of America won, PM Cameroon would have doned his diving gear and top-killed the cracked pipe with his thumb. A draw helped nobody and now BP’s share price will resume its fall and the black gold will continue to pollute. Bad bad bad.
11/06/10
It’s started ! Not win-win, nor win-lose.
South Africa Vs. Mexico = 1-1, Uruguay Vs. France = 0-0
An inauspicious yet safe start to the football overshadowed by unsafe driving and the tragic death of Zenani Mandela. I was hoping the saddest part of this blog would have been the demise, one by one of the favoured soccer nations. That can now wait for a day or two as we ask ourselves “Are those who say that football is only a game and there are more important matters ” actually right?
01/06/10
No smoke without fire, no sting without bee
As we approach the half way point of 2010 we still find ourselves looking for answers and moral leads. In these two stories we find the most unlikely of bedfellows (an ex-princessand the father of England’s ex football captain) brought together under cosy tabloid sheets for the benefit of those self-same tabloids who like patient fishermen know just how to tickle the tummy of greed of the hapless people involved.
We don’t need to feel sympathy or vent anger, but maybe share out our disgust in equal portions to all concerned. Anyhow, let’s be thankful that with the new CONFLIB government we are at least spared the risk of repetition of cabinet ministers using public money for private gain. At this point please imagine yet another ironic smiley
31/03/10
Getting out of Jail
Here’s a real-life story explaining why getting out of jail isn’t always a liberating experience. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article7081666.ece
I use this term because - for the non-football fans among you – the term usually denotes a lucky or last minute escape. Getting out of jail, in football terminology, is something often undeserved – but something the ‘escapee’ will happily accept anyway. Tonight it happened in the UEFA Champions League when Arsenal who had been thoroughly outplayed and out skilled by the marvellous Barcelona team, somehow contrived to turn a two-nil deficit intio a two-two draw. I haven’t seen the headlines yet (after it at’s still today-not tomorrow) but I will be very surprised if the ‘escape from prison’ thing is not used. Watch that space.
On a similar level, Jose Mourinho – the current coach of Internazionale of Milan – has expressed how he dislikes Italian football and how it dislikes him. Despite his fantastic stipend, his lake view abode and endless supply of black Armani scarves (not that I’m jealous) he clearly feels that he is somewhat incarcerated by his open prison.
Football players, fans and coaches often express their opinions about injustices within the game, but stories like that of Sean Hodgson – when we get around to reading them – bring about a true sense of proportion that is so often missed.
01/03/10
Mile High Handbags @ Dawn
To refresh your memory, this weekend’s UK football news was yet again dominated by disgraced former England captain John Terry. To refresh your memory even further, he allegedly did lots of things which journalists and broadcasters always prefix with ‘allegedly’ even though he has not denied any of them. Allegedly.
It all began when having taken to the field of play on his home pitch, the man whom he allegedly cuckolded refused to shake TJ’s proffered hand. Given that this was seen live by millions of people, it pretty much amounted to a thumbing of the nose. A super snub, you might say.
The spat has continued to grow when another British sporting gentleman (Craig Bellamy) alleged that Terry’s (alleged) behaviour was not a surprise considering his alleged track-record in off-the field sexual activity. Terry responded that people in glass houses etc etc blah blah blah.
As a casual observer, I just wish people could be less concerned about making allegations and deal with matters in an open and public manner as reportedly happened with two American flight attendants.
15/02/10
Make room for racism – the World Cup’s coming
“Ladies and Gentlemen. If you look to your right you’ll see the phoney ‘You can’t call us racists any more’ claims by the BNP, and to your left you can see the veil of anti-apartheid slipping off the shoulders of World Cup cup hosts South Africa. Our journey will continue thorugh valleys of hypocracy and cover-ups, so keep your valuables close – it’s going to be a bumpy ride”.
I’m sure this blog will go on to cover many more murky football/life cross-overs, but in the meantime let’s just log the fact there are lot of issues bubbling under the surface. If you had doubts over the Socialist Worker entry above, think again because some seven years ago the BBC highlighted some of the reasons that Sepp Blatter wanted have to the World Cup in South Africa. Read this item and then tell me he was wrong. I don’t think he was. Now back to the Socialist Worker piece and get to grips with the fact that while we put our pro-club support aside and join together under a national flag, there’s some serious exploitation continuing.
And so back the BNP again, no longer racist, no longer outcast, no longer exclusive. Anyone can join, even if membership requires you to beat yourself up {before one of your new mates does it to you first}.
08/02/10
Toyota knows they got it wrong, Juve too, but does Mr Wenger?
So, if we had to liken a car to a football team wouldn’t we say that the accelerator is like the strikers, the gears like the midfield and the brakes like the defence? I think so.
Taking the analogy further, Toyota’s defence is on the brink of such complete collapse, the whole brand, plus its illustrious Lexus extension, could all be on the verge of a GM style plummet.>
FOOTBALL
Juventus – once the establishment of Italian football are also precipice gazing. They were punished for a host of dirty deeds (including alleged doping and match fixing) but came back from the dead. Two years on however, and with a new (temporary) coach, look – for the first time in living memory to be on the verge of a mediocre season. No trophies will come their way this year and it is quite likely they won’t even qualify for a European competition.
Arsenal of London, have similar claims to Juve. Their brand evokes history, propriety and even aristocracy but are also on the edge of ignomy. The only difference in their case (perhaps royal family-like) is that they won’t own up to knowing it. By recalling their vehicles and changing the coach, Toyota and Juventus are at least ‘fessing up’ that something is wrong (admittedly Toyota have no choice -people can die in faulty cars) by making changes. If Arsene Wenger’s team pull out of this sharp bend and get back on the straight and narrow-or maybe even win something, his stance will be seen as shrewd and all-knowing. If on the other hand the end result is nothing, his tight-lipped silence will be interpreted in a less than respectable manner.
03/02/10
Inequality rules-not OK.
On one hand we have ‘normality’. I suppose we all have a different defnition, but overall I would venture to say it’s what we are used to. In most cases it is probably safe to define it as ‘overall good health’. Anything that challenges that, on a long-term (or even a forever) basis is no longer normal and becomes abnormal. Given the inherent (and ugly) truth in the old cliche that we start to die as soon as we are born, it follows that life is a journey from normality to the opposite.
And, given that we are all destined to deteriorate (and need charitable support), why is there such a resistance to the process? Logic dictates that things can only get worse as we age and we ought therefore try to embrace and deal with the situation. Instead we take exercise, start diets and learn to retrain our brains to help us in the vain effort to cling onto and freeze our immediate post-birth ‘We’ve never had it so good’ moments.
The point is that whether it’s Cancer, Dementia {and their respective, inexhaustive sub-divisions of bowel, pancreatic, lung, leukemia and Parkinsons, Louis Body, Alzheimers ad infinitum…} as humans, we don’t really know (and therefore care) about them until they siddle up from the blind side and smack us in the good eye.
This topic came to consciousness today because the BBC has thankfully made a valid, deliberate, calculated and powerful attempt to address the Cancer/Dementia imbalance by having screened the Dimbleby lecture two nights ago and then followed it up in all its media today by broadcasting this information.
And the football-life mirror? At this point I don’t actually need to create an argument because this article by Bill Kerry of the Equality Trust, does it brilliantly.
I mentioned in The Beautiful Mind Game, that if we can take ownership of our life situation with the passion that we do for material goods, we can prioritise things better. So many of us say something like ‘ It’s good health that counts’ but it’s a case of managing the health we have, because we may not get any better than we are today.
If the bright sparks (and I’m not being sarcastic) who have helped us call cancer, cancer and not ‘the BIG C’ can turn their attention to marketing all ‘non-normal’ conditions as likely parts of our future lives we may all maintain a similar ownership of our remaining days on earth as do Barcelona fans in their fine club.
01/02/10
The Terrible love child.
Q. What do you get if you cross Tony and John?
A. Terrie Blair
This weekend was dominated by two big stories; Tony Blair’s six hour performance in the Chilcot inquiry and allegations about our old pal and current England Soccer captain, John Terry (there are no comments here about the length of his performance, but I am sure that a few randomly selected words such as long, sex, session, romp, yet another Chelsea money-over-substance, philanderer, England Captain, Cole. A, Lampard, placed in the browser of your choice will produce adequate and unsavoury results.)
This page has sought both high and very very low to discover what these two great (?!) men have in common. Here are our findings:
Both TB and JT have leadership skills, charisma, veneer and inner strength. Both can come out as winners in a losing situation (Blair turned the inquiry into a terrific YouTube promo for his after-dinner speeches and Mr Terry scored a winning goal against Burnley while his wife was booking a one-way flight to Dubai on his charge card).
Both so far have been publicly unrepentant, unscathed and focussed.
Both have come out as great professionals in their respective field, but neither as credible sentient beings.
Conclusion: You can be great at what you do, but needn’t be a great man whilst doing it.
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19/01/10
Kraft foods buy Cadbury’s and Messers Sullivan and Gold buy West Ham United football club. The mirror is somewhat cloudy here and the link only reinforced by the similar colour schemes of the purchased (Cadbury’s play in Fiorentina-like purple and the Hammers in a hue of Chianti ). Otherwise, the buy-outs lack similarity because the purchase of the chocolate ones was seen to be wise in terms of finance, market-share and all the economic stuff whilst the buying of West Ham, by the admission of the buyers was somewhat lacking in commercial sense.
08/01/10
So, what do Wayne and Harriet have in common?
Well, it’s not the haircuts (maybe if Wayne grew his out there’d be a similarity-but I doubt it). Is it their integrity?
It’s that both are allegedly (do I really have to always say this?) shoddy drivers and both have allegedly gotten off light – (if you believe the papers).
Wayne did this and Mrs ‘Don’t try the law on me, I AM the law’ did this
24/12/09
It’s a matter of targets-not goals
Q. What do Peter Mandelsohn (House of Lords) and Garry Cook (Chief Executive of Manchester City) have in common?
A. They both believe that you can make unrealistic targets realistic by ordering them to happen’.
It’s taken me a day to contrive a way of twisting these two unconnected strands of news dough into a seasonal plait-but I’ve done it!
Manchester City’s new manager Roberto Donadoni, Baggio, Mancini (bit of an Italian in-joke there, Marcotti would understand), has tried to take the focus away from the allegedly skulduggerous way in which he was recruited and declared his football hand for the next eighteen months.
The stated ambitions (qualify top four in 4 months and win the Prem in 17) are a lovely reverse echo of Lord M’s notion that the English University system can achieve high targets with loads less money.
So, to recap -Man City have infinite funds and will effectively (try to) use them to buy success. The government has no funds (other than what’s paid as bonuses to it’s {very useful} civil servants) and assures us all that learning standards can at very least be matched-if not raised by reducing investment.
Something tells me that despite gut reaction and logic, the politician will maintain his outward smile longer than Mancini. Watch this space, as they say.
Not that we are comparing these two stories. How can we? One is true (i.e. dutch prostitutes depicted in the National Gallery, London) the other that suggests the current England and Chelsea Soccer captain John Terry was caught selling tours of his club’s training ground (well they wouldn’t fancy seeing the 1st team’s Fulham Broadway [rejected by the England 2018 commitee] pitch would they?) is merely an allegation made by persons-absolutely not us.
But it is worth pointing out that if the story were true (and we know it’s not) how prositutional (?) behaviour is everywhere.
But, to repeat, it’s not true. Only an allegation made by the News Of The World.
It couldn’t happen here.
On the other hand, if Signori Ancelotti and Capello want us to translate into Italian, we can help. Oh, I see they’ve both their clapped their hands over their ears and are singing loudly ’I can’t hear you, la la la’…
20/12/09
So, on 2 December the CE of GM is sacked by the long arm of
the POA (and then the gods of acronym struck us all down and we got back to normal). This is at once similar yet quite different to Mark Hughes being dropped by Manchester City (do they really have a Cathedral there? Salisbury, Winchester even Coventry – yes, but when did you last hear songs from Manchester Cathedral? Whatever.)
The points being:
1. No matter how much you’re paid or how big your ego or how good you were over the last 11 months. Unless you’re actually the owner of the means of production, you ARE the means of production and therefore disposable. Apologies for the Wikipediatric intro to Karl Marx - but he was right, it’s all true!
2. Mo matter if you’re Baraka Obama President of the USA, Gordon Brown ‘current’ Prime Minister of Great Britain or anyone else who chances their arm in an approximate democracy, you’re always at probable risk of losing out-eventually. Better to be Silvio Berlusconi - own the media, keep everyone in your pocket and if they ‘kick-off’ spin it to your advantage.
So, next time you hear somebody taking a pop at the latest Chelsea manager – think about the reputational risk he’s taking and that as soon Abramovic gets bored with him (my prediction being May 2010) remind yourself that a football coach is indeed for Christmas and not for life.
18/12/09
Old friends don’t die-they just come back to haunt you.
14/12/09
Who owns whom?
Consider this from the Guardian’s Football Unlimited “Arsene Wenger believes clubs are treated disdainfully by international federations, as they are often left to pay hefty wage bills when their employees are put out of action representing their country. “We are working on this with our lawyers at the moment and we are definitely going for it,” he said. “I expect financial compensation for the damage it can make to the championship and the salary involved. It is especially frustrating to lose your players for the rest of the season in a friendly game. The question has to be raised.”
A teacher from my kid’s school recently took a holiday abroad DURING TERM TIME. Apparently she had booked it before being offered the job. But who continued to pay her salary while she was away? Who paid the supply teacher to cover her? We did. We rate and tax payers footed the bill for an employee being absent.
How often does this happen at your place of work? Even if you don’t think you are paying with cash, what about the extra effort you have to put in to cover?
The case of Robin Van Persie is extreme and because if this, his manager (who by the way is also an employee not an owner) knows that many thousands of us will be watching the outcome.
And from the other side of the coin – At what point do you cease being a chattel of your employer and start being yourself? Can it not be argued that RVP has a civil right to become injured during his non-club time? (not that we are suggesting he wanted to be {yet again}).
2/12/09
A couple of weeks back a really famous player called Mr Henry was seen to cheat by controlling the ball with his hand. He came ‘clean’ and told everyone how bad he felt (not that he told the referee at the time). In what could be a momentous and unique reaction, Sepp Blatter, the (seemingly lifelong) President of FIFA today told the World “I appeal to all the players and coaches to observe this fair play. In 2010 we want to prove that football is more than just kicking a ball but has social and cultural value,”
SB went on to say “I have not said that Thierry Henry will be punished, I have said that Thierry Henry will be examined by the disciplinary committee of Fifa.”
My main point here is that football’s large step out of sport and into the World at large is unequivocal and loud
Mark these words, sit back and watch: “We ask the players ‘please observe fair play’ so they will be an example to the rest of the world.”
